Untrusting π
Untrusting
I really wanna be open with you, but I just cant. I know you want us to be close. You want all my honesty but its hard to get it out. How do I tell you that if I was to be open it will hurt, not only for you but also for me?
How do I tell you that am afraid of being honest because I might regret it. How do I say that am afraid you gonna push for more and am gonna be more hurt and you gonna be hurt to in the process.
How do I tell you that am afraid that you gonna criticize my honesty. I have had conversations with you and I know what you gonna think. Even if you won't reason that way, its stuck on my mind on how you would react. Even if you were to not do it on my face, probably behind my back and that will hurt too.
How can I tell that if I was to tell you that am no longer the same, you won't be negative. How can I tell that we won't talk later and you will have a handful on me later. That will leave me hurt.
How can I tell you all of my hurting when I know that you talk about people who have been through the same in a different way. Look am dying to tell you, but I just can't tell the aftermath. I still love you but the trust just died in its own way.
How can I even tell you when I know you've got people whom you are close with. They will all look at me in all their ways. Can you also tell that you would reason the same. They might give me those pity looks. They might also give me those judgmental looks then spread the gospel as they used to. We both wouldn't love that, would we??
How can I tell that my heart will be secure after we talk or would I just be forced to be dumb and never speak a word. How can I tell that am safe with you after we talk. How can I tell that you would still look at me the same way. How can I tell that am still gonna be your blood. I need a reassurance.
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